What’s Love Got to do With “IT” ?

“Goodnight honey, honey I said goodnight… fine be your stubborn self, be like this. You know what I really don’t care.” Ten years of being married this is what they say to one another before retiring for the night. Well this is not a one house phenomenon. I use the word ‘House’ because with two huge egos like these no ‘House’ can ever be a ‘Home’. It’s so easy to play the blame game or what I call , Passing the Puzzle. This self created Puzzle that we term as Marriage. Each partner is actually passing the pieces of the puzzle to the other hoping that maybe the other one can work it out. The perfect picture is in their minds but have either one of them ever imagined what the picture looks like in their partners mind. If they had the whole issue would not have existed in the first place.
Who says couples need counselling or guidance. Who says every relationship is different. They are all the same. The confusion arises when we start taking our partners for granted. You fall in love, you are head over heels and will do anything to impress your loved one. So where is that desire to impress today? Where is that excitement to meet? Where is that passion to love? Where is that need to just hug, to hold, to feel and to accept?
We get so involved with the norms of the world and how things should be and they should not that we forget what we are and what we were and what we had thought we would be. You promised her a life full of smiles and love so why shadow it with tears and fears? You promised him care and love so why pretend now ?
The answer to all these why’s is deep within us. It is so deep that we too cant reach it till we scratch off the surface of ego and self pity.
The physicality in a relationship is like a sculpture that gets moulded and takes the shape of love, trust, faith and companionship through the years. What dies first love, sex or us. The bottom line is we die our feelings die. They actually don’t die we kill them . We murder our relationships, we strangle them with our own hands.
Have we ever stopped to think that we should stretch out arm, put forward our hand, to make our loved one feel loved and special. Nonsexual touch and other signs of affection strengthens your marriage relationship, creates a comforting and calming atmosphere in your home, builds trust between the two of you, and deepens your intimacy with one another.
Most of the time we don’t realise that in order to please our partner in bed we forget to think of them , their pleasure needs and levels could vary ours and we need to work on that. We need to realise that sex is not a task thus is referred to as ‘Making Love’, totally contrary to the phrase “Wham, Bam, Thank you Ma’am”.
The core of most fights, most problems is this major issue: Sex. It actually is not a major issue, we have made it a major issue.
Do you think Adam fought with Eve when she ate the apple? Well if he was a smart man he would have enjoyed the apple with her because sharing your partners interests, likes and dislikes directly turns on or turns off this switch of realisation for them . They feel you care they know you are interested. Foreplay is the most important. What exactly is foreplay. There could be two ways of looking into it. For most of us foreplay is just before we spring into action, however, the art is to make foreplay a 24 hour routine. Talk to you partner, go out, smile together laugh together above all cry together. This is the psychological foreplay we use to make sure that this love lasts forever.
One of the aspects that can make sex especially marital sex amazing is communication. Communicate with your husband or wife. Tell them how your day was, ask them how theirs was. Talk about the weather, who said there’s nothing to talk about. You could spend hours over the phone, have tons of coffees and now just because you are a couple doesn’t mean there is nothing to talk about. Fight and fight like you’ve never fought before because the end result is the making up between the sheets like you’ve never tossed them before.
Every aspect has its two sides. No coin is worth it if it has two heads or two tails. However without either or every coin is incomplete. Your silence compliments his/ her talkative nature but make an effort so he/ she is not the only one talking in the crowd. You are an extrovert but don’t forget the introvert wouldn’t mind stepping into your shoes you just have to offer. Its all about taking an initiative , stretching out that hand.
Don’t argue about your sexual problem or differences in opinions in the bedroom or at bed time, set a time talk and find a solution. The blame game never pays. Try talking to each other and not at each other. The wives need to control the rolling eyes and well the men need to definitely stop sulking, remember you are a big boy now. Well the pretty women have got to stop sobbing at the drop of a pin, you outgrew your bloomers way back.
So well come on people, old couples, new couples, young couples and well to be couples, think about the ‘Us’ and focus on the ‘ You and Me’ and throw the ‘I’ and ‘Me” out of the window.
The next time someone asks you , “What’s Love Got to do with IT?”, you BOTH turn and say EVERYTHING.