The musk , the aqua the tones of perfection spread through the house when he walked to the main door picking up the keys ready to drive into a night of fun and frolic. The perfect pocket square and the well polished shoes were never a patch on his well selected cologne.
However, the calming aroma of his aquatic tone perfume never calmed the storm and terror we lived with. The tones of the sea breeze ( a breeze we never felt but only read and heard of) was never strong enough to cover the shrieks of our mothers voice calling out to be spared his beating and abuses. The stillness still lingers with a whiff of his amazing cologne lingering with the terror of his abuse.
Many years go by , life deals its cards we all play along and well hitting the ‘Jackpot’ is still a fantasy. Paths diverge and intersect and then someday all hell breaks lose.
Here I am praying for the whiff of that cologne to linger on for a while longer. Knowing the trauma and pain it caused to me and my most cherished ,yet being my mother’s daughter I still prayed and cared.
God is kind as always and we had a miracle. I was joyous and grateful. Then I got a gift a gift most cherished as in his eyes I was always non existence . A nail cutter a Pink nail cutter . Never been my colour of choice but yet it was beautiful because for the first time in forever it was a gift given with love. It was not the bicycle I won in a contest and was presented to me as a present , it wasn't the watch I was told Im being given because I stood first in my class ( the watch was a Diwali gift from office and exchanged for mine as he didn't need one). This Nail Cutter was for me with all the love .
Made me angry at that time as comparisons come naturally to us selfish beings. However, I was happy in some weird way.
The gifts kept coming, the soaps , the shoe shines, the wet wipes, the socks, the tooth brushes, the nail files and the kitchen towels.
The recent ones were soaps that were my favourite at one time but when I got them as a “special” gift something snapped and I suddenly realised the aroma will always haunt me and suddenly I questioned myself why is Aqua my favourite……
